Inspired by David Brooks
Welcome to Singapore. It’s a tiny place and we all have to get along for life to be bearable. So here’s a brief guide to the social mores of inequality for our many visitors and foreigners who come to spend time with us.
We are a nation of whiners and whingers. We love complaining. We complain about everything under the sun. From the excessive amount of rain and floods (why can’t the Public Utilitiy Board engineers read God’s mind as they have done so well before and what have we become, a third world country?) to too much sun, to crowded (albeit excellent) transport infrastructure., we complain about everything.
However, like it is in many families, I may complain about my little Red Dot but that is because it is mine and it is home. Do be aware that while you are welcome, there are a few social norms to be observed while complaining about inequality in general.
Food inequality is not acceptable along ethnic lines or foods dear to the Singaporean stomach. You may not like durian or curry smells emanating from your neighbour’s home but you may not complain about them. Instead you must consider them to be an integral part of the exotic landscape. You may even be fed some strange food like fish-head curry and are expected to slurp up and enjoy it or be a good sport and at least taste it.
Food inequality is otherwise acceptable within narrow bands. For example queuing up for hours for your favourite bak chor mee (a minced meat noodle dish) with or without ter kwa (liver slices) or doughnuts while there are many perfectly acceptable substitutes nearby is seen as normal. As is raving about it in minute detail for a good half hour in polite conversation afterwards.
Academic inequality is acceptable at University level. It is perfectly acceptable to indicate which university you’re from whether it is the local universities or the Ivy League or Oxbridge or a London based university. Or any university for that matter. You may do this by subtly referring to it in your conversations or by wearing some university insignia or shirt with a logo.
Income inequality is acceptable only if you happen to be in the upper echelons in which case you barely notice it after all you earned it. For hoi polloi it is gradually becoming less acceptable. So, try not to brag about how much you earn. Instead you may endear yourself and underscore your social status indirectly by your largesse as in buying your employees, friends, generally lesser economic beings lunch or dinner. You need to figure out who earns the most at a table and if it is you, grab the bill when it arrives while the others put up a show of fighting for the bill but you must be sure to end up the payer if you’re the biggest earner.
Religious inequality is still generally unacceptable. It is wrong to look down on other people’s beliefs even if you consider them erroneous and your own faith is blindingly obvious. It is acceptable to share your beliefs provided it is done in the spirit of understanding.
Racial inequality is not acceptable. However we are so relaxed about race, we can often freely ask what someone else’s racial heritage which may come as a surprise to visitors from more politically correct climes. We can also shock visitors by sometimes discussing prejudices but you should refrain from making any comments. Do remember, regardless of our skin colour, we have all done Basic Military Training together, at least the guys have and in the light of a sergeant yelling in our ear, our colour matters not particularly when we’re all sprouting deep suntans and botak (shaven) heads anyway.
Toy inequality is definitely acceptable. You may line up for hours outside a fast food joint because it offers a Hello Kitty or other cult toy gift with your happy meal and you may crow when you are one of the successful ones. However it is not acceptable to start a brawl because someonone cuts in front of you.
Transport inequality is acceptable in a mild form. You may be very proud of your car which you will have paid through your nose for but any boasting should be restrained to remarks on how well the car handles or how comfortable and convenient it is for your children or elderly parents. After all, your car will speak for itself. You may also complain about the ERP (road tolls), traffic and parking problems to underscore your car ownership.
Job inequality is generally acceptable and often tied to the money it brings in. Bankers and doctors rank high on the social scale. Yes, even now despite the slight taint from the broken banking system and evident systemic greed. Teachers used to have a higher status but while still respected have fallen lower in the hierarchy since they now earn relatively less. Even gamblers have a high social status as long as you have several million dollars to play. However politicians ranking pay with job worth has become distinctly less acceptable of late since they are now paid quite a bit.
Space inequality is acceptable. Owning a landed property or private condominium is seen as having “arrived” and you are duly allowed to boast gently about it but only very gently. Like cars, your property will speak for itself. If you want to fit in, it is better to talk about your HDB neighbourhood unless you already move in exaulted circles.
Sports inequality is entirely acceptable. If you are a hobby tri-athelete you may moan about how hard the swim was while showing off your tight buns in a figure hugging outfit.
Technological inequality is entirely acceptable. Boasting you have just updated your phone as soon as you became eligible on your telco billing plan for the latest iphone is entirely acceptable. Showing off how much you know how to convert your last smart phone to a remote control for your high definition TV set is fine if you can do it.
Welcome to Singapore. We are an egalitarian (although less so now), meritocratic society, dedicated to a hedonistic enjoyment of food and shopping and having fewer kids so we can enjoy our shrinking apartments. Instead we welcome fully grown foreigners to make up for our baby shortfall, so welcome
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